We are back. To the ‘Spill Your Beans Café’. It’s the next morning and you still look so blown. Eyelids heavy, half close, half open…the shoplifters have all gone away.
Nutcase plays bongo on the coffee table. You stretch forever on the bean bag, leaning on your left, drawing crop circles with the index finger of your right hand on the sand.
“How many years that we’ve known each other?” You murmured.
“We know each other forever.” Nutcase gurgled.
The music in your eyes played on. The music on your fingertips.
“Can you pass me that?”
“I can.” So I did. You plugged in the earphones in the empty sockets of your brain box. Electricity flew. Your fingers stopped drawing. Your eyes shut.
“I think she can do better,” Nutcase looked at you and spoke to me.
“Isn’t she?” I looked at you and asked her.
Nutcase nodded a no. “She has been agreeing to everything lately.”
“And why is that so?”
“Reluctance my friend, reluctance.” There was a sweet regret in her voice.
“I sincerely think there is peace in there. I mean in reluctance.”
“Only on the outside. I think inside you boil.”
“What’s boiling?” You lazily slurred. The song is over I guessed. We just smiled at her.
“Here, I want you to hear this.” You stretched out to me and passed me the earphones. I plugged them in. You pushed play. Electricity flew. I froze. In the sunshine heat. And while the music played, I looked at the two of them through the half-open shutters of my eyes. Their lips animated. A TV on mute. I don’t know what they spoke about. Still. The song was soon over. I heard, ‘him’.
I opened my eyes and asked, “Who?”
They smiled.
I don’t want to make sense out of anything they said. I don’t want to.
Nutcase leaned towards me and slowly swept away the earphones from my open palms.
“Can you play that for me?” Nutcase made her request.
“Nutcase and her nostalgia trips.” You grinned. I played our song for her.
“Are you planning to sell it?” I looked at you and asked.
“I don’t know. It has to be all of us on the board.”
“I’ll be happy with whatever you two decide.”
“Why? Why don’t you decide?”
“I don’t want to.”
We both looked away. In opposite directions, looking at each other only through the corners of our humid eyes.
“I just wish we didn’t have to make decisions at all. I don’t like to decide.” Your eyes looked sad when you spoke. I wondered if I’d ever see them smiling again. And immediately I know I will. This is the only thing I ever possessed. Once it is gone, I’m free. Forever. Even you will be. Free. The only reason we are sticking together is this. This that we’ll sell. Along with it our 3 years old partnership. A dream nearing its dawn.
“My turn, my turn.” I sometimes wonder where you get your sudden bouts of energy from. Nutcase handed you the earphones. You left us alone for the next few minutes. I and our picture perfect Nutcase.
“So what does she say?”
“Nothing.”
“Does she want to sell it? Do you want to sell it? Someone has to come up with an answer. And I just wish that you two come up with one. It’s more important for you two, more than anybody else.” Nutcase was visibly agitated. She cares. That’s why she is agitated.
“I don’t want to sell it. Don’t want to let it go. Don’t want to let her go. She wants to sell it. Only because of me.”
“Listen. Listen. Listen.” Nutcase scolds me sometimes. “Stop jumping into conclusions for fucksake. You think she wants to sell it because she wants to get away? She can do it right now. Anytime. Without even bothering about selling it or buying it or whatever. She can leave right now.”
“Awwwwwwww. You are still stuck at the same point. Selling. Buying. Selling. Buy. Sell. Fucking hell.” While you blasted, the unplugged phones hung lifelessly from your long fingers.
“Just, just do whatever. If this stays here and I’m left without you two, I’ll bleed the same amount as I would without it. It’s nothing without you two. Just decide. Just decide for me. Just excuse me this fire. Can I have a smoke please? Can I have those transmitting machines? I’d better retreat. And let you two decide. Help me for once this time. Save me the trouble. Please.” I lit the cigarette and sat at a distance. Under the tree where we’d nailed the board. The board on which strangers scribbled their secrets. For they had no one to share it with. In the maddening cushion of a comfortable noise, I looked at the two of you. My arms rested on my knees. In the quivering silence of the outside, I watched you decide my fate.
